Some thoughts about Sarah Palin’s debut as a Fox news host.
(transcript after the jump)
Sarah Palin has a TV show that I accidentally watched a few days ago. And it was…interesting. I mean, it was weird because you’d think that Fox News and Sarah Palin should be a perfect fit. Fox News is really into being petty, and hateful, and distorted, and disingenuous, and Sarah Palin is awesome at all of those things. She’s like the Golden Child of petty hatefulness. So it should be a match made in heaven, it should be like Lebron coming to the Knicks (sound clip of choir intoning “Amen”).
But somehow it’s not. Because for some reason Fox News is not letting Sarah Be Sarah.
Sarah Palin on Fox News should be like the Star & Buc Wild/MissJones/Wendy-Williams of punditry. It should be like Hatefest 2010. Hater-palooza. Hatenik.
But this show is not that, at all. This show is just Sarah Palin doing these bland, heartwarming voice-overs on top of feel-good puff pieces that Fox already had in the vault from like two years ago. It’s like she’s hosting an infomercial for “The Secret” – except now, The Secret is blind patriotism.
And that’s not what I want to see from Sarah Palin. I don’t want to see her being “positive” and “heart-warming” – I want to see the usual Sarah Palin we know and love. The one who pretends to be positive and heart-warming when she’s actually straight hating on everybody. I wanna see that “golly-gee, aw-shucks,” folksy passive-aggressiveness. That sassy anti-intellectualism. The seething venom just barely contained behind that beauty-pageant smile. I want to see the hate!
Why won’t Fox let Sarah hate and be great?! I don’t understand it, and it’s frustrating to me because I really want Sarah Palin to win at this. I think it would be good for the country if Sarah Palin had a hit show. I mean first of all, it would give her a chance to take all the tea-partiers’ scary, racist, violent-threat hate, and redirect it back into her brand of superficial, petty, Dave Chappelle Hater’s Ball hate. That right there would make the world a little safer.
And beyond that, I just really believe that America needs Sarah Palin to be successful on television. America needs Sarah Palin to have a smash hit full-time career in media, that would keep her far away from elected office or any other active role in our government whatsoever. So Fox News, I am asking, for the good of our nation, please. Let Sarah hate and be great.
-transcription by Julia Clare Tillinghast-Akalin